Have you ever listened to a song from Taylor Swift called “You’re Losing Me”? If you have, then there are parts of lyrics that say..
And I wouldn’t marry me either
A pathological people pleaser
Who only wanted you to see her
Quoting from capitalfm.com, ‘You’re Losing Me’ is a teary one for Taylor fans, all about a relationship reaching the end of its course.
Then, What’s the meaning of “People Pleaser”?
A “people pleaser” means a person feels a strong urge to please others, even at the expense of themselves. They may feel that their wants and needs are not important or change their personality around other people.
People-pleasers may apologize when they have done nothing wrong or feel guilty about changing plans. A people pleaser may also be someone who finds it easier to say yes than to explain why to say no (Turrell, 2021).
For example, in a friendship, they might agree to attend events or activities that they have no interest in, simply because they fear of rejection or just want to avoid conflict between them.
Similarly, this also occurs in romantic relationships by prioritizing their partner’s happiness and approval over their own well-being, always deferring to other’s preferences and opinions instead of expressing their own. This can lead to an unhealthy dynamic in the relationship.
Causes of People Pleasing
Quoting from medicaltoday.com, there are some of the factors that might lead to “people pleasing” behaviour:
- Low self-esteem
- Trauma
- Anxiety
- Conflict avoidance
- Culture and socialization
If you habitually find yourself in a very difficult situation of saying no to something you don’t really want or dislike, then this needs to stop immediately.
Because if it continues, there is a possibility that people around you will take advantage from it, they will constantly keep asking you to do whatever they want.
Regulary, I come across someone who is a ‘people pleaser’, who seems torn between people pleasing and kindness.
When discussing their reluctance to refuse someone’s request for help, they usually say things like, ‘I don’t want to be selfish,’ or ‘I just want to be a good person.’ Therefore, they let others take advantage of them.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
I understand you may not want to look like a bad person or you just want to help, but you also need to consider yourself. This world feels too short just to please other people, right?
So, increase your self-awareness to know the boundaries between your happiness and other people’s. Helping others and pleasing them is a good thing, but there are limits.
Start getting out of the people-pleasing habit by saying no to something small. You can express your opinion about something simple.
Don’t leave yourself no chance to refuse or reject their will. Other people’s happiness is not entirely your responsibility, because your happiness can only be realized by yourself, not by other people.
I know it’s gonna be hard, but each step you take will help you gain more confidence in your ability to be yourself.
xoxo~
As usual, i’ll give you song recommendations for today!
1. Love in The Dark — Adele
2. Autumn — Niki
3. A Song Nobody Knows — Colde
4. A Little Too Much — Shawn Mendes
5. Nobody Gets Me — SZA
pic: freepik.com
